The unthinkable has happened. For the first time in 30 years the US will not be going to the World Cup. Coming into the games, there was a 40-to-one chance this would happen. FORTY TO ONE!!! I keep vascillating between two emotions – anger and despair………
FUCK! This is the worst thing to ever happen to America. Worse than the civil war (620,000 dead? Chump change.). Worse than 9/11 (all it did was shake our country to its very core, leaving us forever changed? So what.). I can’t think of anything more harmful or embarassing than this.
Never mind that we would be hosting the World Cup (and getting an automatic berth) had not SuperMidget Putin bribed the corrupt assholes at FIFA. Never mind that we got FUCKED in the Panama Costa Rica game by the goal-that-wasn’t. The only reason CONCACAF even gets 3 1/2 spots is to give the US the best possible chance of making the tournament every cycle! The US Soccer system is broken.
So who is at fault and how do we fix it?
1. Sunil Gulati – President of the United States Soccer Federation
Deep breath… be cool… maintain… Since 2006, Gulati has been the head of US Soccer. By all accounts he’s a bright guy, but a lot of the blame has to fall on his shoulders. Growing the game domestically and getting better athletes to play soccer is VITAL to the success of our national team. Unfortunately, to play high-level soccer in this country usually comes with high fees (joining teams, attending tournaments, etc.). This pay-to-play system stops many of our best young athletes from even having a chance to play.
Also, I think he should be throwing his weight around more with FIFA. In 2013 he was elected to a 4-year position on the FIFA Council (you’ll see he’s pretty far down on that chart). With the amount of money coming from the US, he should have much more influence than that. Comcast/NBC and Fox are spending a combined $1 BILLION for the broadcast rights of the next two World Cups. With that kind of cash coming from the US, Gulati shouldn’t have the same influence as Turks and Caicos (no offense).
Finally, he panicked after the team lost 2 games (against tough opponents) and fired Klinsmann. That’s bad enough, but he compounded the problem by bringing back Bruce Arena (more on him later).
SO IS HE CAPABLE OF RUNNING THIS SHIT?
https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/embed/4c20dd25-96ec-4bfd-acb9-7c07011039ef?autoplay=false
2. Bruce Arena – Head Coach of the US Men’s National Team
I can’t even pretend to be rational on this one. Arena sucks. He’s always sucked. He was the coach from 1998-2006, when he got fired for sucking. I don’t know WHY Gulati thought bringing him back was a good idea. He hates Klinsmann’s German-born players even though they’re really good. Fuck Bruce Arena. I want him gone and I want to know that he’s never coming back.
SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO WITH HIM?
3. The Players
Obviously a lot of the blame must fall on the players, too. Other than our wonderkind Pulisic, they underperformed. There isn’t much that can be done to fix this, other than by the guilty parties listed above.
SO HOW DO WE FEEL ABOUT THE PLAYERS?
Except you, Michael Bradley. You STINK!!
That’s it. Did I just fix US Soccer? Of course I did. But we still won’t be going to Russia next year. Now that we don’t have anyone to root for at the next World Cup, we get to pick teams to root against: Russia and Mexico are obvious choices, and it’s always fun when England falls apart.
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